Why you are doing what you are doing matters.
Exercising because it feels good versus doing it to punish yourself for eating. Fasting to give your cells a break from glucose overload verses starving yourself as punishment for eating something “bad”.
Talking about what is healthy and what isn’t healthy is a challenging endeavor. What is visible on the surface says nothing about what is going on underneath. This is why we have to focus on the why rather than the what. There is a population of people who look “great” and are experiencing a great deal of self-abuse. They are what many others aspire to look like. But if we knew the amount of torture and self-hate that goes into it, we might reconsider it’s significance.
This is a conversation for the obsessive. For people struggling with non-visible eating disorders. Those of us who will never receive intervention because we look “normal”. We may instead have people in our lives who perpetuate our self-hating practices.
This issue isn’t going to resonate with everyone. We are a specific group, but we are a MASSIVE one. If you know what obsession feels like, if you look in the mirror and rarely, if ever, like what you see, if you have a problem balancing health and self-love, this is a conversation for you.
There is a bully inside of us that tells us that we are not good enough. It tells us that we have to make drastic changes to become worthy of anything. In the meantime, we have to abuse ourselves mentally and physically. The bad news is: there is no end to it. You will never make that part of yourself happy. It represents self-hate, and it has no other purpose. It can’t be happy. It is the part of you that you have to overcome to feel better. There will be no pinnacle moment of self-satisfaction on this path. Even if you achieve the body you think you need, you wont be able to see it. You are blind now, you’ll be blind later.
But there is hope. Now that you know that this part of you exists, you can make strides to remove it. It happens faster than you think and one day, you will know what it feels like to be comfortable in your own skin. You are going to learn so much about yourself that you completely fall in love. Head over heels, in love. Starting here, now, and forevermore.
Tyler Kingsbury, Certified Personal Trainer, BS Biology